Even If It Kills Me
by IAmThePoisonedYouth
Summary: Barry loses the one thing he can't bear to. {Post 2x22}
_Your mother and I love y-_

His father's words rung in his ears as Zoom's hand forced it's way through the older man's chest, making him stiffen up at the pain as the light quickly faded from his eyes. Barry vaguely registered himself screaming as his entire world went numb from shock.

"I'll see you again." Zoom teased, and his voice returned to it's crackly tone as he finished, " _Flash."_

He blurred away and Henry's body sunk to the ground limply, like a ragdoll. Barry instantly rushed to him, his breathing uneven as he remembered his own words from when his father had been kidnapped by The Trickster.

 _I can't lose my dad, Joe._

His mind refused to believe it, and despite already knowing the answer, he frantically checked his dad's pulse, willing him with all of his might to _just live._ When he couldn't find a heartbeat, he settled back.

He looked up to the sky and yelled to whatever gods existed, to the Speed Force or any other form of higher power, " _Please, I can't lose him! He's all-"_

He stopped himself, knowing that the statement about to leave his mouth then was in no way true, and he sighed, resting his forehead against his dad's, staring into the other's blank, lifeless eyes.

"Don't leave me." he pleaded, " _Please, I-I'll be better. I'll do better. Just don't… don't leave me."_

No reply.

Barry pulled away, drawing his knees up to his chest and rocking himself back and forward, trying to gain control over the situation, his denial now breaking down into anger and bargaining, the cruel fate of the depression locked behind a door in his mind. He knew grief, he had faced it so many times, but this?

This was his final straw.

When Joe, Cisco and Iris found Barry sitting stoically in his childhood home after going running after Zoom, they were confused.

Joe could feel a question growing on the tip of his tongue but it was answered when he looked down and saw the body crumpled in front of Barry, blood staining the carpet just like it had done so on the night of Nora's murder.

"Oh, my God…" Iris murmured, covering her mouth.

Cisco gasped in sheer horror, then knelt beside Barry, who was looking pale and sickly, tears rolling down his cheek as he remained in clear shock.

Cisco spoke gently, trying not to spook his friend, "Barr?"

"I-I couldn't save him." Barry began.

Joe swallowed his own grief and asked, "What do you mean, Barry?"

"I just stood there…" Barry's gaze flickered upward, his eyes red and filled with agony, "Whilst Zoom murdered him… I _stood_ there."

Cisco reached out to touch Barry's shoulder, "Everything's going to be-"

Barry pulled away, his voice rising in pitch, " _No!_ How can you say that, Cisco? My dad, he's-"

"No, I know." Cisco interjected, "Let's take his body back to S.T.A.R. Labs and we can-"

Barry snapped, " _No!_ We are _not_ moving him!"

"Barr…" Iris sighed, "We have to do something. Call somebody."

Joe shook his head, "Not the cops, Singh would wonder why you came back here and why Zoom would kill Henry."

"Stop talking about him as if he's an object!" Barry demanded, getting to his feet with a burst of speed, "God, if I had just've been faster-"

Cisco assured, "It wasn't your fault, Barry. Zoom caught you off-guard!"

"And because I _let_ my guard down, my dad is-" Barry cut off, the realisation sinking in as he backed away, banging into a wall, "Oh, _God._ H-He's dead." his hands trembled as they laced in his hair, "He's dead!"

Iris took a step forward, "Barry, you need to calm down, please."

"I-I can't!" Barry shrieked before taking a deep breath and weakly stating, " _It hurts."_

The sobs then consumed his body and he sunk to his knees, curling in on himself as everything around him broke. His father, the only member of his biological family that he had left, was _dead._ Gone. Nothing left.

Cisco walked on his knees over to Barry, then softly touched his arm, as if he was asking for permission before pulling the other man close, allowing him to cry into him. Iris unconsciously burrowed into her dad's side, her own tears falling.

Cisco ran a hand through Barry's hair, whispering, "I know, dude. I know."

Time passed, and they eventually moved Henry's body back to S.T.A.R. Labs, where Barry simply waited with him, as if he expected him to wake up from his slumber.

"I'm sorry dad." he croaked, tears brimming in his eyes again, "I failed you. But it won't happen again. I'm going to stop him. I'm going to end him." he paused, "Even if it kills me."


End file.
